August: Neruda to Nin
A poem by Pablo Neruda, Sonnet 17:
No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio
o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:
te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,
secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.
Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva
dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,
y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo
el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.
Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera,
sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres,
tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,
tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño.
(For some perspective, it was 2015, heartbroken for the first time, and Adele had just released 25, the feels were high folks.)
This poem once echoed to all spaces and places within me that yearned for understanding. I thought it spoke to me, I felt it talked about loving unconventionally. As if it made the dark, scary spaces and places easy to stay hidden within. All in hopes someone would peer into the shadows and choose to love it all. I was ~deep~....
I eventually forgot the poem and let the dust bury it. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I discovered it again for an acting class. As I read it for the first time in years I laughed hard.
I was laughing at how much where we are in life makes a difference in the experience before us. Last week, I read the poem and saw a different story. The reader saying, “ I love you like the bud that has yet to bloom, its very fragrance lives inside of me.” The poem is about such a profound and loud connection within the intimacy. Nothing remains hidden. And-It has nothing to do with darkness, really.
Perhaps it speaks more to my ignorance about poetry and neither are right, but a simple poem made me see a different life, a different person from almost a decade ago. And perhaps in another ten, Pablo Neruda will be telling me something different.
And to be clear this isn’t about nostalgia, it’s so much more about presence. What story am I telling, what is the “poem” saying right now?
In short.
We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are. Anais Nin said it best!
So my friend, how do you interpret your “poem” these days?
