May: Soft Start

I just came back from a little hike with my dog and as we reached the high point of the hill, we got to the flowers. The flowers which at a distance seemed like specks, swallowed us now. They drowned out my eyesight as if the ocean were made of petals. 

In that moment, life felt so perfect, only my panting dog and my rushed heart from the trek upwards witnessed this magic. And for the minute it took other people to cross our path, it felt intimate and sweet.

In starting this website, newsletter, and business as a whole, I feel like I am at the base of the big hill and all I see is specks. All the hikers seem to be walking faster than me or coming out of the trails with a smile. They don’t seem so scared of the dotted hill. But I am.

I am scared, because the comparisons echo even as I walk further away from the start sign. What if I can’t keep up, and the fear of losing momentum or getting lost is enough to make me freeze? 

I repeat my affirmations like prayers and move regardless of the weight of my legs, I can know for a fact that I am proud of myself, I can know for a fact that as long as I move forwards, I am doing well enough, but I also know that the fear won’t go away. Starting is hard.

So I start softly. So that I can hold my own hand, and go at my own pace. 

So I start softly. So that eventually I make it to the flowery place. 

With all the love and all the grace- Happy May!